Steps towards healthful living

Graitude List and ramblings.

2010-01-11T07:44:00.000-08:00

I am really craving and needing to add structure to my life. I am going to be a SAHM beginning with Baby #2 due in March and really want to do a great job. I want to be a blessing to my family.

The problem that stands in the way is I have no idea how to accomplish this. I do not know how to be a SAHM. My motivation and desire is huge but I have no concrete ideas how to get this done.

I tend to get overwhelmed and then feel helpless and do nothing. I have been praying and depending on God to help me in this.

Gratitude list for today.
Nice glass of strawberry lemonade with orange slices
A huge desire to be a SAHM
A warm home
Some ideas of how to keep a home
The bright sunshine
Alot of crafting supplies
Some baby blocks redy to be sewn
Clean clothes
A decent night's sleep
Wonderful blogs to read and be inpired by
A healthy pregnancy
Health insurance and resources for my pregancy.
Beautiful stationary
Wonderful books concerning Godly Women

I am back,

2009-11-18T07:30:00.000-08:00

It has been so long since I posted. I am not so good about posting but great about reading others blogs. I decided that today was the day to post. I am going to start with a list. List are so comforting and easy for me so here goes.

Things I am grateful for...
My wonderful love of my life that makes me shine from within
My incrediable loving family
A bright future
The time to regroup and begin a new direction in life
An amazing home I love
A great cup of hot tea with orange and honey
Learning to crochet a scarf
A soothing candle flickering near me
A fridge full of yummyy healthy food
A conversation with someone that cleared the air yesterday

A Mother's Prayer for Today

2009-05-25T15:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Heavenly Father,

As I begin a new day,
I pray that You will give me the strength, wisdom,
patience, and understanding I will need to be the mother my children need,
and the the mother You want me to be.

I pray my children will learn from me,by example,and that I would be a good example
for them to learn from.

I pray that You will protect these precious lives from harm and evil,
and that never for one moment today, will I forget the fact that these children are Yours, and a gift to me that You have entrusted me to guide back to You.

Please help me to be slow to anger, and quick to forgive as You have forgiven me too many times to count.

Let my love pour out to these lives,that they may know Your Fatherly love from my motherly love.

Help me to lift them up as individuals and bring out their strengths and gifts,
to fulfill Your purposes for them.

I pray that they will feel Your presence and do what's right and holy.

I pray they will do Your Will throughout their life, that their relationship with You will be strong and steadfast.

But most of all, I pray when their time on earth is done,
they will meet You face to face and rejoice with You in Heaven.

Please let me be a reflection of You to these precious lives today.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

*** Taken from Dandelion Seeds blog

A-Z treats list

2009-05-13T11:12:00.000-07:00

A-Z treats list

A Apples esp warm baked ones with cinnamon
B Baby's toes
C Cupcakes
D Dainty teacups
E Easy to prepare dinners
F Fries from Snoppy's
G Giant healthy trees
H Homes that welcome you after a long day
I Icy winter days inside a cozy warm house
J Juicy strawberries
K Kind people
L Loving hugs that last a long time
M Money esp new crisp bills
N Night walks
O One more kiss
P Pizza hot and dripping with cheese
Q Questions from kiddies that make me giggle
U Understanding a new concept
R Reading a book that is impossible to put down
S Sun shining on my back
T Time with nothing to do
U Undivided attention from whomever I am talking to
V Vision
W Wiser older people
X X-ray vision
Y Yellow that is buttery and smooth
Z Zany music

A-Z gratitude list

2009-05-04T14:40:00.000-07:00

A Apples
B Babies
C Breezes on a hot summer day
D Dads
E Easy cook meals
F Friends
G Grills esp charcoil grills for yummy summer meals
H Handmade clothes
I Ice for my sweet tea
J Junk food for when it is needed
K Krispy Kreme doughnuts esp the hot ones
L Little hands
M Moms
N Nights so I can refresh and renew my body
O Outdoor swimming holes
P Pretty spring flowers
Q Quiet evenings listening to the crickets
R Rain
S Summer is general
T Tall glasses of sweet iced tea
U Unlimited sunshine
V Violin music
W Water
X X-tra sunshine
Y Yawns before a nap
Z ZZZZZs

It's been a long time

2008-09-01T09:11:00.000-07:00

Wow, how time flies. The summer is coming to an end, the kids are back in school and believe it or not I am noticing some slight changes in the leaf colors.

Lots has changed for me as well. This summer has required alot of growth in me. And I am so grateful that I have been able to accomplish that growth.

I am returning to putting myself first each and every day. I am treating my body and mind with respect. Three of the most profound and concrete things I have done to get back in touch with myself is to:

Stop smoking. I only smoked when I drank alcohol but I could burn up some cigs. when I did.

Stop drinking alcohol. It has been 22 days today and I am delighted with that. I am learning about addiction and am reaching out to AA for a better way.

Returning to eating healthy. I realize what a profound difference I feel when I fuel my body with proper nutrition. I am experimenting with different ways of eating and right now I am juicing alot and feel great. So far today I have had 2 oranges, 4 apples, 1 pear, and 1 cucumber juiced and my energy is high. Not to mention how great the juice tasted.

Well, I am off to the grocery store. Hope everyone is having a great Labor Day. Also, I am keeping all the people afected my Gustav in my mind and prayers.

To someone who does not know

2008-07-01T22:54:00.000-07:00

"Ah the night...here it comes again"
It's on with the jeans, the jacket and the shirt
How'd I end up feeling so bad
For such a little girl

And I hold you close in the back of my mind
Feels so good but damn it makes me hurt
And I'm too scared to know to how I feel about you now

La Cienega just smiles..."see ya around"
And I hold you close in the back of my mind
And raise my glass 'cause either way I'm dead
Neither of you really help me to sleep anymore

One breaks my body and the other breaks my soul
La Cienega just smiles as it waves goodbye

"Ah the night...here it comes again"
It's off with the jeans, the jacket and the shirt
How'd I end up feeling so bad
For such a little girl

And I hold you close in the back of my mind
Feels so good but damn it makes me hurt
And I'm too scared to know how I feel about you now
How I feel about you now
La Cienega just smiles and says, "I'll see you around"

This song by Ryan Adams speaks my truth tonight.

Tonight's musings

2008-05-26T00:08:00.000-07:00

"Come Pick Me Up" by Ryan Adams

When they call your name
Will you walk right up
With a smile on your face
Or will you cower in fear
In your favorite sweater
With an old love letter

I wish you would
I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends
They're all full of shit
With a smile on your face
And then do it again
I wish you would

When you're walking downtown
Do you wish I was there
Do you wish it was me
With the windows clear and the mannequins eyes
Do they all look like mine

You know you could
I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends behind my back
With a smile on your face
And then do it again
I wish you would

I wish you'd make up my bed
So I could make up my mind
Try it for sleeping instead
Maybe you'll rest sometime
I wish I could

Sad to say but this is how I am feeling right now. The saddest part is that this is not about anyone in particular. It is a way that I feel about all of my past relationships that have ended. None of the past relationships that I have had have ended in the way they should. I am always left with a feeling that is was not over. I was left knowing that I had more to say and there was one more time that we needed to be together. It is always that I takes off and runs for cover but after I have settled down my shaking and fear I want to say more. There is never any closure. Yhis has become blatantly clear to me recently and I regret that.

Appearances

2008-05-12T12:21:00.000-07:00

"One should either be a work of art
or wear a work of art."
Oscar Wilde

I read this quote on another blog today and it sums up perfectly how I am feeling right now. For some reason in the last 6 months I have actually been interested in fashion and my appearance.

I have always been one to go for comfort and not style in a very unconscious way. As long as I was comfortable and my clothes and body were clean I was happy. I never felt frumpy or out of place but I am sure that I did appear that way.

I have always had a cute petite fiqure and I have never used it as the asset that it is. I am blessed to have the body that I do at 35 years old with a 14 year old son.

About 6 months ago I began to become aware of different styles and clothing that I was attracted to and liked. I continued to just marinade on that for months.

In the last month I have been in the "I want that" stage. I am beginning slowly but with confidence come into awareness that I do have or desire to have a style. Let me tell you, I am overjoyed by this.

I have not gone to the malls or department stores to shop for my clothes but have scoured through GoodWills and thrift stores. And let me tell you, I have found some awesome things. This has opened up a huge avenue for me to adorn or refashion my inexpensive clothes to be just right for me. I love this.

Life is good right now and as the time goes by I think my appearnce will reflect what I feel inside.

Stream of consciousness

2008-04-14T12:30:00.000-07:00

I have so much in my head right now, I am going to use today's blog post to get it all out.

For the last two weeks, I have been in the "gathering" stage for my creativity. I have been scouring blogs, magazines, thrift stores, and antique stores. I have been avoiding all television and only listening to new music and podcasts on my IPOD. It has been intense to say the least but so much fun and necessary.

This week I am gearing up to use all the materials, thoughts and ideas I acquired. I can not wait and have so many plans. I work tonight late so will start fresh and early in the morning with my creative work. The ideas are literally running around in my head and I look forward to my days off work to hole up in my creative space and tire myself out executing my ideas.

These are some of the things I intend to do:

1. Finish a quilt for my niece who is very soon to become a big sister.

2. Make washclothes out of a freecycled outfit.

3. Make 8 ecology/nature postcards for a swap.

4. Make a shadow box for some adorable corn husk dolls.

5. Do some mending for my sister who is about to deliver a precious baby #2.

6. Begin to decorate an art journal.

7. Set up and organize an effective and user friendly swap-bot packaging center.

8. Unpack my summer clothes and see if they need any refashioning.

9. Return to my previous veggie diet and get back in the gym.

10. Return to my yoga and meditation practice.

Sounds pretty simple huh? I will keep you posted.

Imagine a Mother

2008-04-12T14:27:00.001-07:00

Today this poem really speaks to me and I hope it adds encouragement to other mothers.

Imagine a Mother

Imagine a mother who believes she belongs in the world.

A mother who celebrates her own life.

Who is glad to be alive.

Imagine a mother who celebrates the birth of her daughters.

A mother who believes in the goodness of her daughters.

Who nurtures their wisdom.

Who cultivates her power.

Imagine a mother who celebrates the birth of her sons.

A mother who believes in the goodness of her sons.

Who nurtures their kindness.

Who honors their tears.

Imagine a mother who turns toward herself with interest.

A mother who acknowledges her own feelings and thoughts.

Whose capacity to be available to her family deepens as she is available to herself.

Imagine a mother who is aware of her own needs and desires.

A mother who meets them with tenderness and grace.

Who enlists the support of respectful friends and chosen family.

Imagine a mother who lives in harmony with her heart.

A mother who trusts her impulses to expand and contract.

Who knows that everything changes in the fullness of time.

Imagine a mother who embodies her spirituality.

A mother who honors her body as the sacred temple of the spirit of life.

Who breathes deeply as a prayer of gratitude for life itself.

Imagine a mother who values the women in her life.

A mother who finds comfort in the company of women.

Who sets aside time to replenish her woman-spirit.

Imagine yourself as this mother.

-Patricia Lynn Reilly

Motivated by Swap-bot

2008-04-11T13:00:00.000-07:00

I just lost an extensive post I crafted. It is floating around happily in cyberspace. I hope it lands in an appropriate place.

As my title suggests, I have been motivated by a swap I signed up for that involved blogs. I get great joy and inspiration from blogs so would love to spread the joy to others. This is where the roadblock occurs for me, the spreading part.

I am setting the roadblock called perfectionism aside and charging on and writing what I can every day for 1 week. I am not committing to any type of quality so getting it done.

So please come back often and encourage me or at least read.

Gratitude for today.

4 books on hold arrived at library today.
The sun was shining and beautiful out.
A walk my mom and I had today that was short but glorious.
A yummy lunch
Getting this post completed.

I'm back again

2008-01-28T12:19:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it? I am chasing the perfectionism away and going to continue to put my butt in the chair and blog away like my words are the masterpiece I envision.

I have a pretty great time since I last blogged. I have been doing alot of decluttering and passing things on to other people who actually are delighted to get the things I no longer want. This gives me so much joy. It is so much fun to give things to people than post them on ebay, keep checking back and then packing it up and mailing and all that businessy stuff. I really love giving it to someone who is super excited because they are getting it for free and they say thank you with a smile. It is worth more than the 5 bucks I may have made.

I am also working very dilgently on getting my sewing room/creative space in order. I have the main parts and pieces I just need to work on getting them arranged and organized. I am so lucky to have my own room in the house to create and use as my sacred space.

I am going to sign up for knitting lessons beginning in March and I am so looking forward to it. I learned to crochet about 10 years ago but after crocheting alot for about 6 months I quit and do not seem to remember.

I am signing off for now and will be back shortly.

I am still here

2008-01-19T12:26:00.000-08:00

It has been so long since I have posted.Today seems like the right day to post. Without going any further perfectionism seems to cut my postings off at the knees. I am putting my perfectionism in time out right now so if there are any errors in this post ignore then because that is what I intend to do. Right now I just intend to get something written to the blog.

It is currently snowing and raining where I live. I am sitting in a wonderfully cozy glassed in sunroom watching the flakes fall. The snow is not sticking but it looks so serene and peaceful it is mesmerizing. Early I started a pot of chili with lots of veggies and beans. Yummy. I have also cuddled up with cups of hot tea. As another concidence I am reading a book named Consumption which is set in the cold icy tundra.

Right now my energy is focusing on decluttering my life and setting it on a more simple path. I am jazzed and excited about this. I have dreamt of doing this for about 10 years but for some reason this year my vision of how I want my life to be has become sharper and more concrete. For once I feel like I know the path I am on and it feels very right.

This is not to say that I have not done anything in the way of making my life more simple because that is inaccurate. I think this year I am feeling the momentum of all my past choices and am feeling the effect of baby steps. I am really happy and content with that.

Well, I am going to stop writing and enjoy my snowfall.
Elizabeth in Snowy NC

Huge transition ahead

2007-10-26T11:53:00.000-07:00

I am in the process of huge transition in my life. I have been in this transition for about one year and have been distracting myself in all sorts of ways in order to avoid the transition.

The last six months I have been taking small yet significant steps towards this transition.

Now I am running full blast ahead towards this transition in my life. I am excited for the first time in months. This is; When I am awake. I know deep inside this transition is exactly what I need but to be honest I am shutting down at times.

Shutting down and sleeping more than usual is a common defense method I have used for years. Let me tell you it is in full effect now. The part of the country I live in is in a exceptional drought at the moment and luckily for the last 3 days we have had the most peaceful, dreamy, juicy rain ever.

Well, I have been sleeping the whole time. I have done the very minimal amount of anything but listen to podcasts, read emails, read books, read blogs and sleep. I feel blessed that I have this time to rest but I also question if I am using the rain as a distraction to prevent me from doing what I need to do.

Who knows? But right now I am going to make a nice steamy mug of hot tea and stare out the floor to ceiling windows at the rain falling through the trees.

I am back again.

2007-10-09T07:09:00.001-07:00

I have been away from blogging for so long. I could say that it is because I am so busy. How boring would that be.

I have not posted because I have been so absorbed in other people's blogs. They are so amazing and interesting.

I am committing once again to posting routinely.

My 7 a day

2007-04-24T05:54:00.000-07:00

I have become addicted to reading other women's blogs. I seem to gravitate to blogs that are written by people who are slowing down and trying to live a life they have created. I am really inspired by so many of them.

I have a few favorite blogs I will share in the future.

Currently I have been inspired by a blogger who has committed to getting rid of 7 things a week in order to declutter her home and release her attachment to things. I have decided to do the same but I am committed to releasing 7 things per day.

I have decided to do this for many reasons but mainly because I want to rid myself of things that no longer serve a purpose in my life. I am always been sort of a packrat and one to hold onto things "just in case." This is no longer a need of mine.

I am currently into giving things away to others so they can use it. I love the way that makes me feel. I feel like a matching things with the perfect owner lots of times.

I have gotten myself a nice network of people who will accept the things I am getting rid of. Another great thing about my network of "accepters" is that they feel very comfortable about filtering the things I give them and then passing on what does not work for them. I must say I love that.

When I first began decluttering I thought I should try to sell things on Ebay or craiglist. Boy, did that get too complex. Next, I decided to FreeCycle which was rewarding but I caught myself also getting stuff from FreeCycle so I had to pull back from that. Now I have decided to freely and very happily give my unloved things to others. It is so easy and freeing not to mention uncomplicated.

Here is my first day of purging. I intended to only purge 7 things but got on a roll and continued.This is all Tupperware that I bought within a 2 year period. I intended to sell TW but interesting enough I never had a TW party and only sold to my immediate family and mainly myself. I think it was an obsession at one point. I hung onto the TW because I felt like it represented money to me. In reality, it burdened me with "You could make money by selling this." Oh, I forgot to mention I am in no way a sales person. In fact, I stink at it.

I feel so light now. My sister got all the loot and loves it. I have a totally empty shelf now.

I'm listening

2007-02-21T16:24:00.000-08:00

I have had some interesting things that have presented themselves to me lately that I wish to share. I have become acutely aware of my past experiences of not being present. Random happenings in my everyday life have just seemed to reflect things I need to hear at the current moment.

Yesterday I received a package in the mail that I knew was coming but thought would be at least one month before I received. In my package was a clear glass mug with the word LOVE etched into the glass. I have recently been struggling with many aspects of love in my life, how I give love to those around me as well as how I receive their love. Hello,wake up.

The next item in my package was a Bible I had wanted but could not afford at the time. And quess what the first chapter I happened to open the Bible to. Songs of Solomon. Hello,wake up even more. Here is one commentary I found on the internet about this book in the Bible.

"It is the most excellent song of love, the song of songs, and describes the joys and sorrows of the two lovers, God and You... they meet, they love each other, they have problems, they get together and they get lost and together again... and in the process your soul grows in love, is transformed, purified, and finally perfectly matured..."

I think I should slow down, sit down and listen to what I am being directed to.

So, today on the way to work I stopped by Brueggers Bagel stop on Hillsborough Street. I pull it to my parking place and grafittied into the brick wall in front of me is "it is ok to fail college" It was written clearly and in neon green. I get it.

It is ok to fail college. That does not make you a bad,ignorant person. It means that college was not the right place for you at that particular time. I was supposed to see that today.

It is strange how things seem very clear to me at times. I want that to continue and I think all I have to do it continue to keep my eyes,ears,and heart open.

Another thing I have become painfully aware of is the way the condition of someone's house affects them. I have been in multiple homes and have seen homes in a variety of stages of disorganization, disorder as well as neat, well functioning homes. There is a distant and profound energy difference and I have felt the difference affect me and the people I am nurturing and caring for.

The chaotic homes drain me and those I am with. I can feel the static nature of the home. Homes that are neat, uncluttered have people that are tuned in to the positive,moving energy around them.

Another observation those with TVs turned off have homes with moving energy that are also neat and uncluttered.

My question: Do people "escape" into tv or are tv watchers those with less energy?

I can not wait to hear my messages tomorrow.

Another message just came to me via a phone call: Just got a magazine that features NC most influential women. I have been praying and thinking about majoring in Women's Studies at NCSU. I hear you!!

Thanks for reading

Getting back on meds

2006-10-15T07:48:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I tooktime out to post.

I have been really busy with work being a doula which I love doing. I have learned so much and am so happy and feel I am making a difference in what I am doing. You got to love that.

I have made a mistake this week in trying to ween off of my Lexapro. Lexapro works very well for me but I was running out of my samples and can not get more and I have no insurance so I saw the need to stop and go on Sam-E which I can buy over the counter without seeing a doctor. Not smart for me.

I was feeling very dizzy with movement and getting these electrical jolts every once in awhile. I could handle that but it was becoming a bothersome feeling. I talked to my dad and he said I should not be ashamed of being on medication that does its job by changing my chemistry. I quess deep down the feeling of being weak did cross my mind. I am going back on the med and going to go to the Mental Health Center which works on a sliding scale.

I feel relief and not weakness by this decision. I am excited and feel like I need Lexapro and that I will be able to continue on the positive path I have been on since beginning Lexapro.

Today and some of yesterday I began to notice some of my feelings of anxiety returning. In my this manifests itself be my gathering and collecting lots of reading material on how to be the perfect woman who keeps a perfect home and takes amazing care of her family. It always ends up with me feeling overwhelmed and unable to do anything. I also noticed yesterday that I was more tired and only wanted to dress in super soft cozy clothes that ofcourse are quite well ugly and very unflattering and boy does that make you feel like staying home and hibernating.

I have realized that it does not have to be a all or nothing thing. I do not have to be totally natural and not put a medication in my body but becoming so obsessed I can not start or do anything. This is a huge thing for me.
I feel hopeful and positive about getting back on track, letting some of my fears of failure and not being perfect go. I also feel positive about reaching out to Mental Health that may include talk therapy.

Got to go eat now. I am starved.

Do It Now

2006-09-03T13:52:00.000-07:00

I have decided to join as a blogger to be held accountable to all of my upcoming goals. I am going to freely and abundantly give out my blog address so that I can have people supporting me along the way.

I want my friends and esp. my sisters, MeMe and Emily, to read this to know what is going on with me.

Today I have decided that my new mantra is "Do It Now." I am going to say it alot to myself during the day so that it will eventually sink deeply into my psyche.

My list of goals include:

Eat healthfully daily
Become more active
Mediate and do yoga 4 times a week
Get really wonderful at self-care
Take pride in my appearance ( this ties into self-care for me )
Build my Tupperware business so I can continue to work from home ( I LOVE THIS PART OF MY LIFE )
Continue to grow professionally in my Postpartum Doula business

Well, these list of goals will certainly keep me busy for a while.

I want to list what I do every day that gets me one step closer to a goal of mine.

Here goes today's list so far:

1. Bought an awesome scale today that tells me weight, body fat %, and body water %. Todays stats are 111.2 lbs, 24.3% body fat and 51.2% water. I amvery pleased with those numbers.

2. Read some of my Fitness magazine. This helps me with motivation.

3. Had my friend, Dave, tune my bike up.

4. Worked in the yard with my mother.

5. Turned down a chinese buffet for a home cooked lunch. That was a little tough.

6. Searched some blogs for health encouragement.

7. Started this blog.

I will post again tomorrow.