Getting back on meds

It has been awhile since I tooktime out to post.

I have been really busy with work being a doula which I love doing. I have learned so much and am so happy and feel I am making a difference in what I am doing. You got to love that.

I have made a mistake this week in trying to ween off of my Lexapro. Lexapro works very well for me but I was running out of my samples and can not get more and I have no insurance so I saw the need to stop and go on Sam-E which I can buy over the counter without seeing a doctor. Not smart for me.

I was feeling very dizzy with movement and getting these electrical jolts every once in awhile. I could handle that but it was becoming a bothersome feeling. I talked to my dad and he said I should not be ashamed of being on medication that does its job by changing my chemistry. I quess deep down the feeling of being weak did cross my mind. I am going back on the med and going to go to the Mental Health Center which works on a sliding scale.

I feel relief and not weakness by this decision. I am excited and feel like I need Lexapro and that I will be able to continue on the positive path I have been on since beginning Lexapro.

Today and some of yesterday I began to notice some of my feelings of anxiety returning. In my this manifests itself be my gathering and collecting lots of reading material on how to be the perfect woman who keeps a perfect home and takes amazing care of her family. It always ends up with me feeling overwhelmed and unable to do anything. I also noticed yesterday that I was more tired and only wanted to dress in super soft cozy clothes that ofcourse are quite well ugly and very unflattering and boy does that make you feel like staying home and hibernating.

I have realized that it does not have to be a all or nothing thing. I do not have to be totally natural and not put a medication in my body but becoming so obsessed I can not start or do anything. This is a huge thing for me.
I feel hopeful and positive about getting back on track, letting some of my fears of failure and not being perfect go. I also feel positive about reaching out to Mental Health that may include talk therapy.

Got to go eat now. I am starved.