Tonight's musings

"Come Pick Me Up" by Ryan Adams

When they call your name
Will you walk right up
With a smile on your face
Or will you cower in fear
In your favorite sweater
With an old love letter

I wish you would
I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends
They're all full of shit
With a smile on your face
And then do it again
I wish you would

When you're walking downtown
Do you wish I was there
Do you wish it was me
With the windows clear and the mannequins eyes
Do they all look like mine

You know you could
I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends behind my back
With a smile on your face
And then do it again
I wish you would

I wish you'd make up my bed
So I could make up my mind
Try it for sleeping instead
Maybe you'll rest sometime
I wish I could

Sad to say but this is how I am feeling right now. The saddest part is that this is not about anyone in particular. It is a way that I feel about all of my past relationships that have ended. None of the past relationships that I have had have ended in the way they should. I am always left with a feeling that is was not over. I was left knowing that I had more to say and there was one more time that we needed to be together. It is always that I takes off and runs for cover but after I have settled down my shaking and fear I want to say more. There is never any closure. Yhis has become blatantly clear to me recently and I regret that.

Appearances

"One should either be a work of art
or wear a work of art."
Oscar Wilde

I read this quote on another blog today and it sums up perfectly how I am feeling right now. For some reason in the last 6 months I have actually been interested in fashion and my appearance.

I have always been one to go for comfort and not style in a very unconscious way. As long as I was comfortable and my clothes and body were clean I was happy. I never felt frumpy or out of place but I am sure that I did appear that way.

I have always had a cute petite fiqure and I have never used it as the asset that it is. I am blessed to have the body that I do at 35 years old with a 14 year old son.

About 6 months ago I began to become aware of different styles and clothing that I was attracted to and liked. I continued to just marinade on that for months.

In the last month I have been in the "I want that" stage. I am beginning slowly but with confidence come into awareness that I do have or desire to have a style. Let me tell you, I am overjoyed by this.

I have not gone to the malls or department stores to shop for my clothes but have scoured through GoodWills and thrift stores. And let me tell you, I have found some awesome things. This has opened up a huge avenue for me to adorn or refashion my inexpensive clothes to be just right for me. I love this.

Life is good right now and as the time goes by I think my appearnce will reflect what I feel inside.